I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
