Plan B is the new Plan A
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
