You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
