yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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