You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
