so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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