So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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