i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
