I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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