he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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