Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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