i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You need a sexual gate keeper
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
