dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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