what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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