well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
