Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
