God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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