I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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