and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
