i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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