i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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