can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
