awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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