the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
