Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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