I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
