Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
