similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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