I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
