I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
