someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
