The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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