My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
