why didn't you poke me back
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
