i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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