he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
