I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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