Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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