Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
