I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
