need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
dude. I can hear the air.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
