You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
