I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
