i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Randomize
