my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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