Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
