I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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