Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He did a backflip because drugs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
