so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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