You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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