u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
