i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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