All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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