There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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