So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
