They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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