so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
