I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I smell like Dick and happiness
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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