His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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