Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
