HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
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So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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