It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I deserve this hangover.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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