Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
