So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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