apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize