Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
