I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
