I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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