Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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