Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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