so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
